Thankful for all the guys here :)

I'm in a new stage of coming out to myself now.....the drama and the self loathing is largely dissapating. It's been because of meeting or being influenced ( in person and on line) so many great guys and gals who have been where I am and have gotten past this and are living much more functional and joyful lives.

I have put the 'hookup' experiences behind me now. I know that's not where I want to be. In many ways, I come back to appreciating the values I had before I came out, but from the perspective of an emotionally healthy gay man. I'm not out of the woods yet, but it is getting closer, day by day. Also, P & M, gay chat sites, hookup sites, etc are losing their hold on me. I simply want to be a happy person, living to my potential and being happy. The fact that I'm gay, while important and essential to my development and well being, no longer defines me exclusively. I feel that there is no single "gay lifestyle" just as there isn't a single "straight lifestyle".

I am finally starting to experience more days of peace in my life...in fits and starts.....I can only hope with effort and love for myself and others that this will only keep improving.

I love reading all the posts and responses...both here and on the Moho Facebook group. such a diversity of people with different viewpoints and life circumstances, and yet civil to each other and willing to be supportive.   Thank you !

Kevin

Kevin in Calgary is such a great friend. I miss him a lot when I can't talk to him. I really look forward to when I will see him again. He's the first gay man I've had real feelings for. I did have a crush on a guy when I first came out to myself, but he was a closeted married man.....sigh.....that just wasn't going anywhere !

Feeling a little better

I felt good at bowling last night.felt in the groove, even if my score wasn't super high..it was consistent, and I wasn't making a lot of bad shots...then Zach and I went to the Wayside lounge and had a couple of drinks (well Zach maybe had more later, after I left , lol). It was nice just talking with him about being gay, and we were quite open about. The bartender  knows Zach is gay because he works there. And I'm pretty sure she knows that I am as well. But she is cool about it, very accepting.

I am going to start reading a little bit of "You can Heal your Life" by Louise Hays every night. It seems to be the spiritual and emotional medicine I need just now.

I am looking forward to going to Calgary to spend a day or two with Kevin and get to know him and enjoy some time with him.

Ready to give this a go.....whew!

Well.....many months ago, I started this blog....and like so many things in my life up to now....it lazed in suspended animation. Not that I was procrastinating....although that is a BAD habit of mine...I just don't think I was ready to move to the next level, and proclaim my process of thought ( or lack of) in public. That's a form of reporting, which involves some sort of accountability to the reportees. I was too scared to start thinking about THAT !

But now......for a number of reasons....I feel more at peace and confident about my direction. And I am ready to start talking about. More on those reasons in later posts. I had the opportunity and blessing over the last year or so of establishing contacts and making some friendships in the gay community. It's been great! There are some wonderful people out there....and I love each one of you for reasons as individual as you are. But the one thing they all seem to have in common was this: Each one knew who he is and is happy with it and using his time, talents, and energy in  a positive way. Are they perfect? No. But they are my mentors and inspiration....whether I have actually met them in person or not.

Today was a turning point of some kind in my life.....a culmination of things, probably..but I feel more hopeful that I have been......less fear as well, which is really debilitating.


Keep posted, much more to come!