An unsettling weekend

I've found that when times get hard and everyone around me seems to fit the stereotype we try so hard to dispel, I hold on to the one thing that will always be there- hope and love. And if that love doesn't surround me from the outside, I turn inside until I'm exhausted loving myself with my every breath. It may sound like a fantasy, but with a little practice it can become anyone's reality. 

http://gaylife.about.com/od/hivaid1/qt/livingwithhiv.htm (quote)

Feeling a little better

I felt good at bowling last night.felt in the groove, even if my score wasn't super high..it was consistent, and I wasn't making a lot of bad shots...then Zach and I went to the Wayside lounge and had a couple of drinks (well Zach maybe had more later, after I left , lol). It was nice just talking with him about being gay, and we were quite open about. The bartender  knows Zach is gay because he works there. And I'm pretty sure she knows that I am as well. But she is cool about it, very accepting.

I am going to start reading a little bit of "You can Heal your Life" by Louise Hays every night. It seems to be the spiritual and emotional medicine I need just now.

I am looking forward to going to Calgary to spend a day or two with Kevin and get to know him and enjoy some time with him.

I'm so tired

Tired of all the energy wasted and attention focus lost on things of primary importance in my life. This has been the "cost" of choosing to come out.....I really hope the this huge investment is worth it in the long run! I have faith.

Ready to give this a go.....whew!

Well.....many months ago, I started this blog....and like so many things in my life up to now....it lazed in suspended animation. Not that I was procrastinating....although that is a BAD habit of mine...I just don't think I was ready to move to the next level, and proclaim my process of thought ( or lack of) in public. That's a form of reporting, which involves some sort of accountability to the reportees. I was too scared to start thinking about THAT !

But now......for a number of reasons....I feel more at peace and confident about my direction. And I am ready to start talking about. More on those reasons in later posts. I had the opportunity and blessing over the last year or so of establishing contacts and making some friendships in the gay community. It's been great! There are some wonderful people out there....and I love each one of you for reasons as individual as you are. But the one thing they all seem to have in common was this: Each one knew who he is and is happy with it and using his time, talents, and energy in  a positive way. Are they perfect? No. But they are my mentors and inspiration....whether I have actually met them in person or not.

Today was a turning point of some kind in my life.....a culmination of things, probably..but I feel more hopeful that I have been......less fear as well, which is really debilitating.


Keep posted, much more to come!

One toe into the blogosphere!

Well.....here goes.....the water doesn't look too bad. I can hardly believe I'm posting to the world!

SCARY stuff..........I'm sure the feeling will wear off soon...and I'll be swimmin' with the fishes :).....not to mention all the sharks out there......oh well.

More to come later!