Kevin

Kevin in Calgary is such a great friend. I miss him a lot when I can't talk to him. I really look forward to when I will see him again. He's the first gay man I've had real feelings for. I did have a crush on a guy when I first came out to myself, but he was a closeted married man.....sigh.....that just wasn't going anywhere !

Shaving

My progression as a gay man continues.......I bought a Phillips body groomer awhile back. This weekend I decided to try in out. Was a little apprehensive....but it is AMAZING how easily and smoothly I could remove body hair below the waist....and no pain at all! Hey I realize straight guys do this too......just that I don't think too many MY age would !

Been busy....procrastinating?

Well I am not sure. I am still dealing with my income taxes...not done yet! Not going to Calgary this weekend...the dinner with the Mormon guys is going to be later I guess..long weekend. I'd like to go see Kevin in Calgary again tho..he's a very nice guy. Waiting to hear back from Kara Lee the Pride Week volunteer co-ordinator. I am pumped thinking about volunteering for the parade and cleanup of the square. There will be a cool group performing at the post parade concert....The Be Arthurs. the world's only ukelele cover band....no really...and they're very good !

Well to bed now...it's 3:15 am......again. Gotta do better. I feel good knowing I've got some good friends now in the gay community. Also that I'm becoming much more aware of the kind of guys I want to date....these sweethearts actually exists.. gotta love romantic passionate guys who want monogamous LTR's. :). Guess I wasn't going to start findin them until  "I" was ready!

Looked at a new basement suite tonight....really "sweet" better than I have now....2 bedrooms, a utility room, an office nook, and built in space heaters...and lots of big windows......and lots of storage cupboards! I'm lovin' it!  I paid my damage deposit and move in two weeks from now.

Good night, blogger....and all other forms of intelligent life out there ....lol

An unsettling weekend

I've found that when times get hard and everyone around me seems to fit the stereotype we try so hard to dispel, I hold on to the one thing that will always be there- hope and love. And if that love doesn't surround me from the outside, I turn inside until I'm exhausted loving myself with my every breath. It may sound like a fantasy, but with a little practice it can become anyone's reality. 

http://gaylife.about.com/od/hivaid1/qt/livingwithhiv.htm (quote)

Feeling a little better

I felt good at bowling last night.felt in the groove, even if my score wasn't super high..it was consistent, and I wasn't making a lot of bad shots...then Zach and I went to the Wayside lounge and had a couple of drinks (well Zach maybe had more later, after I left , lol). It was nice just talking with him about being gay, and we were quite open about. The bartender  knows Zach is gay because he works there. And I'm pretty sure she knows that I am as well. But she is cool about it, very accepting.

I am going to start reading a little bit of "You can Heal your Life" by Louise Hays every night. It seems to be the spiritual and emotional medicine I need just now.

I am looking forward to going to Calgary to spend a day or two with Kevin and get to know him and enjoy some time with him.

I'm so tired

Tired of all the energy wasted and attention focus lost on things of primary importance in my life. This has been the "cost" of choosing to come out.....I really hope the this huge investment is worth it in the long run! I have faith.

Ready to give this a go.....whew!

Well.....many months ago, I started this blog....and like so many things in my life up to now....it lazed in suspended animation. Not that I was procrastinating....although that is a BAD habit of mine...I just don't think I was ready to move to the next level, and proclaim my process of thought ( or lack of) in public. That's a form of reporting, which involves some sort of accountability to the reportees. I was too scared to start thinking about THAT !

But now......for a number of reasons....I feel more at peace and confident about my direction. And I am ready to start talking about. More on those reasons in later posts. I had the opportunity and blessing over the last year or so of establishing contacts and making some friendships in the gay community. It's been great! There are some wonderful people out there....and I love each one of you for reasons as individual as you are. But the one thing they all seem to have in common was this: Each one knew who he is and is happy with it and using his time, talents, and energy in  a positive way. Are they perfect? No. But they are my mentors and inspiration....whether I have actually met them in person or not.

Today was a turning point of some kind in my life.....a culmination of things, probably..but I feel more hopeful that I have been......less fear as well, which is really debilitating.


Keep posted, much more to come!